You Must Read Stewie`s Ode To Arsene

A Call For Stewie...
F365, please publish whatever Stewie Griffin sends in regarding Saturday's game. I know a lot of people have been moaning about him recently but I really enjoy his realistic take on Arsenal.
Andrew Jeffrey


Mailbox Winners And Losers
I know its meant to be football based, but I couldn't help but wonder whether this week was a perfect excuse to include a non football person in both winners AND losers.

Step forward one Stewie Griffin.

I had visions of him ecstatically sitting there, fuming, thinking to himself "FANTASTIC, I can believe this is happening to me, this is BRILLIANT, I HATE Wenger, get him out, gosh! I cant believe my luck, I am so excited and SO angry, Wenger is RUINING my club, what a great start to the weekend this is, I am so happy, WENGER OUT..." Repeat ad nausem
Chris, Liverpool


And Here He Is!
If Arsenal were a soft drink...

* They would have to be red and white.
* A former undisputed global heavyweight who have recently been underachieving.
* Starts off very bubbly, but turns instantly flat when exposed to an environment it doesn't like.
* Heaven for children.
* They would have to be ultimately, very bad for your health.
* They would have to be ruthlessly obsessed with profits and revenue, above all other considerations.
* Whilst showing optimal contempt for its consumers.
* They would have to be made of such fragile material that, once dropped, it would break into pieces.
* And naturally, they would have to be the world's biggest bottlers.

I am struggling to think of a soft drink to match here. Any ideas?
Stewie Griffin (Wenger Out since 2008)


And Here He Is With An Ode To Arsene!
The Genius who can't give a half-time team talk,
With overhyped kiddies who walk the walk
I'd love to not have to write such prose,
But you know, that I know, that Arsene Knows.

A group of cowards, no commitment, no pride,
Can't soil my Armani shorts with a tackle, won't bother with a slide
It's time for Wenger's regime of ineptitude to come to a close,
But you know, that I know, that Arsene Knows.

A North London derby they thought they'd won,
Why defend? Why persevere? Why bother to run?
The gormless locals began chants of Ole
And popped open the Dom Perignon, the nachos and guacamole
The Spuds taught us a lesson and gave us a good dose,
But you know, that I know, that Arsene Knows.

One Arsene Wenger, no one could do his job
6 mil a year, for spouting nonsense from his gob
Profits, revenue and anything but trophies,
And overpaid French kids who strut like show-ponies.

The tactical genius who wouldn't man-mark Messi,
Then watched helplessly as his children were molested, it got messy.
The top coach who spends hours musing that Chelski are rich,
Whilst forgetting that Drogba has made us his bitch.
The longer he is in charge, the more the apathy grows,
But you know, that I know, that Arsene Knows.

Koscielny and Squillaci the French Chuckle brothers,
Set-pieces and long balls? Defending? Don't know why he bothers!
Denilson, the wondrous boy from Brazil,
Every smart person knows he's really from Mill Hill.

Chamakh the striker who can't use his feet,
Who looks for a pass with just the keeper to beat,
The most overrated striking Arsenal mammal,
I would happily trade him for a disembowelled camel.

Six continuous years of repetitive woes,
But you know, that I know, that Arsene Knows.
With a fit RVP, we'd be Kings of the Prom,
(Perhaps first we should learn to beat West Brom).

Keepers with no vision, who can't make a save
A holding midfielder who plays as if he'd spent the previous night at a rave
Title challengers? CL? You're having a laugh!
Someone needs to teach them that football ain't just one half.

Incapable of giving sweat and blood,
It's a sad day when effort is exemplified in a Spud.
They need a slap back to reality, and a hit with a freezing hose.
But you know, that I know, that Arsene Knows.

Without Arsene there would be no club, no moon and no sky.
No Clichy to make me want to poke out my eye,
He pioneered the beautiful game, before him there was no art
Picasso was a pauper, now Alex Thong, he looks the part!

If he left, there would be no more light,
As you saw in the derby, there would no longer be any fight.
The next Haribo hero who states 'We will learn from this'
Should be made to drink a pint of Diaby's p**s.

Of all the insults and insufferable slurs,
Is that of a 'top-class manager' who manages back to back league defeats to Spurs.
To bring all of this nonsense to an untimely close:
Without Wenger there'd be no club, and wed been losing to the Spuds
So you know, that I know, that Arsene Knows.
Stewie Griffin (when his kiddies looked to the bench for guidance, they saw papa Wenger throwing a teenage temper tantrum with a water bottle. Pathetic and comical)


What Arsenal Are Missing
Younes Kaboul.

Seriously. I was watching Arsenal vs. Tottenham and the one player I wished Arsenal had in their team was Kaboul. A big, powerful, strapping defender who doesn't shirk a bloody tackle. Not like these frail pansy defenders that Wenger goes for (Koscielny, Squillaci - that's you). He'd clear out the ball, man, first few rows of fans if necessary. Tottenham are a good side, I'm not losing any manhood admitting that, but I look at their team and there's not much I'd take aside from him. We've got enough creating midfielders as pointed out on F365, Song does a fantastic job in def mid and our full backs (on their day) are two of the best around. Can't argue with Chamakh doing the business up top and the likes of RVP/Fabregas need no introduction. Even the bench looked good on Saturday!

I'd just like the team to have a bit of balls about it. Forgot the good footballers, let's throw a brute or two in there!
Craig, Arsenal fan in Preston (DB10's fault)


Drama Queens
A message to all the moany, bitter and really quite pathetic gooners writing in...you lost 1 game to your biggest rivals in your own backyard. Whilst we Spurs fans love it...it is 1 game, the way you lot are reacting makes you look like a bunch of drama queens. Get over yourselves...you are embarrassing.
Anthony Bunnage, Gloucester (Looking forward to being at the Lane on Wednesday when we take on Werder Bremen, and I won't have a paddy if we don't win!)


Sane Reflection
Dear MC and sane readers,

Now I know emotions are running high right now and I am the first one to say that Wenger should have addressed the goalkeeping and central defensive problems (with quality) during the summer and for this arrogance he should be chastised BUT...

Did Wenger mis-control the ball when put through one on one with the keeper in the first half? ...NO it was Chamakh! Did Wenger shoot wide from 12 yards with only the keeper to beat in the first half? ...NO it was the much hailed Fabregas!

Did Wenger fail to cover the runs of Van der Vaart or Bale for Tottenham's first goal? ...NO it was (pick from Clichy, Denilson, Song, Koskielny, Scilacci)!Did Wenger give away the needless free kick that led to the penalty 5 yards outside the box? ...NO it was Song!

Did Wenger ridiculously jump up and handle the ball from resulting free kick? ...NO it was the boy that can do no wrong (again) Fabregas! Did Wenger miss an open goal from 4 yards with an unchallenged free header when it was 2-2 with 10 minutes to play? ...NO it was Koscielny! Did Wenger blaze over the bar from 6 yards with 3 minutes left? ...NO it was Walcott!

If any one of these player errors had not happened, it would probably have changed the result! I grant you the centre halves aren't up to it and that IS Wenger's fault, but none of the other culprits could be considered to be having bad seasons could they?

On this occasion the players let themselves, their manager and their fans down. Let's hope they realise that and make it up to us all!

So perspective please Gooners
Chris (For once they can justifiably bring out a DVD) Charteris


...I'm sorry but the blame for capitulation on Saturday rests firmly with the Arsenal players and not the manager. Does anyone really think Wenger's half time team talk consisted of something along the lines of 'Right boys we're 2-0 up now let's try turn on the style! Lets go out there and show them how to really play this silly game by expressing yourself with your fantastic tricks!'? Of course not.

All managers know that 2-0 is no time to rest on your laurels and think the game is won. Wenger would have been stressing/pleading to his charges that they would need to maintain focus and absolutely NOT take their collective foot off the pedal. Yet they did the exact opposite which lead to Wenger's depressing reaction on the sideline with the kicking of the water bottle.

I for one do not doubt Wenger's will to win for one minute. It is clear for all to see that he takes it harder than his players when the team doesn't perform. The argument would then be that he chose these players and therefore the responsibility rests with him if they don't perform. To a fair degree this is correct. However the football community has also seen that the Arsenal players are more than capable when they put their minds to it. At the end of the day Wenger's influence only goes so far. Once they step onto the pitch the players really need to look at themselves if they can't tighten up and follow instructions to concentrate over the 90 minutes.
Andrew (ashamed of the players, sad for Wenger) Stevens


Giving Up On Arsenal
Having been both a home and away season ticket hold for many years, at the beginning of last season I decided not to go and watch Arsenal anymore. My interest in them remains as strong as ever, though I simply refuse to spend my hard-earned cash watching this team.

Why? Because I believe our squad is one filled with grossly overpaid under-achievers, and the clubs fans are being bled dry by an organisation no longer committed to real, tangible success. I just can't bear to pay money to see Alex Song and Emanuel Eboue prancing around like morons. (And has anyone seen Sczenzny's twitter feed? This goon has just been awarded a 5 year 30K a week contract and he's only ever played once for the first team!)

And it's not just me, but plenty of other 'hardcore' Arsenal fans who have/are being driven away.

The debacle of Saturday should come as no surprise to any Arsenal fan with his head screwed on. It's only those myopic Wenger-ites who would have left the ground or turned off their TV feeling utterly dejected and angry. The rest of us have woken up to the embarrassing reality a while ago now, and were at least cushioned after the latest sham by the 'pillow of indifference' that the last few years of repeated mistakes, repeated excuses and repeated unwarranted contract extensions have granted us.

I love Arsene Wenger but he no longer looks like a serious football manager on the sidelines, rather he looks like an angry dad, frustrated and upset at the failings of his children. That's because Arsenal Football club is today exactly that. It is no longer geared towards winning trophies rather it is the project of Wenger.
Max


In Arsene's Defence
Read the emails this morning regarding some people wanting Wenger out. I don't really give a toss as I am not an Arsenal fans. But I quite like the guy and I think he did a good job keeping Arsenal in the top 4.

Just want to point out some interesting figures quoted by a guy called Gary Westfallen. He quoted :-

Wenger is the third highest-paid manager in the country and the seventh highest in Europe. Arsenal charge the highest ticket prices in the country. Emirates is the second largest stadium in the country. The current Arsenal squad has the third-highest wage bill in the country.

In defence for Wenger :-

Wenger is the third highest-paid manager in the country, Arsenal are third and had been third for the past few seasons. You get what you paid for.
Ticket prices have nothing to do with success it is something to do with the location of the stadium. You expect to pay more for the same thing in London then anywhere else.

Does size matter?? Don't think so otherwise Sunderland and Newcastles should be up there with ManU and Arsenal. Chelsea, should finish mid table.....
Third-highest wage bill? See point 1 and again, you get what you paid for.
Daniel Lee


Arsenal Are A Definition Of Madness
Albert Einstein may not have known much about football but he pretty much summed up Arsene Wenger and his current Arsenal team when he defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. As one of the many paying Gooners who followed Arsenal from Highbury to the Emirates, I can bitterly attest to the "over and over again" part.

In the past five silverware-free years we have seen the same behaviours yield the same result, followed swiftly by the same excuses. On Saturday about five minutes before half-time we all saw a wave of complacency wash over the team. They stopped trying, lost concentration, slowed down and didn't seem inclined to preserve a proud record which clearly means a lot more to us poor paying punters than the overpaid, overconfident oafs on the pitch.

Equally, we have had to watch players who are not fit to even look at the boots of Adams, Bergkamp and Pires, consistently let our team down. From a goalkeeper who cannot save, right through the entire team to strikers who hate to shoot, this team is full of weak links. When so many pieces of the chain snap so readily, you cannot expect it to lift something as weighty as a trophy.

Reading on Arswipe.com that [insert name here] has said "we must learn" and "we owe it to the fans" or that Arsene has used a combination of the words 'mystery', 'mental strength', 'chances' and 'focus' in his post-match interview, simply doesn't cut it anymore. Either the team, Arsene and the Board which employs him are truly insane or those of us paying £3,750 to watch repeats year after year are.
Carolyn (how could they let us all down quite so badly), South London Gooner


Spurs' Form Is Mid-Table
Hearing all the talk about Spurs being title contenders in the aftermath of a rare victory at the home of their bitter rivals is just laughable. It's almost like when there was talk of Hull playing in the Champions League as they reached the dizzying heights of 3rd position in the table some time back.

Spurs have won 2, drawn 2 and lost 2 in their last 6 matches. Based on those matches, Spurs are 14th in the Form table. Arsenal are 3rd in the same table, with 4 wins and 2 losses. Yet, after the match, Arsenal fans are calling for Wenger's head while Spurs fans (and their manager) are talking about a title challenge. It's either because Arsenal have much bigger ambition and expectations or because Spurs just have realistically low targets at the moment. Or both.

Almost halfway through season where the top 4 teams of last year are seemingly faltering, Chelsea, Man Utd and Arsenal still occupy the top 3 positions in the league whereas so-called challengers to the top 4 monopoly (top 3, if you exclude Liverpool) are only in 4th and 6th. So, I am failing to see exactly why we think 6-th placed Spurs present any kind of challenge to the top 3, let alone the title!

Spurs have done well to keep in touch with the top 4 and could probably get better with more confidence and some signings in January, but for God's sake, let's not designate a new title challenger every weekend! Fair enough they sent a huge signal to the Top 3 by beating Arsenal on their turf. But, Spurs are better advised to keep the hype to a minimum so as not to jinx their season.
Jay (Chelsea, Man U and Arsenal still >> everyone else, so far...), York


Top Of The Table But Playing Pony
Has anyone seen United play recently - how the hell are we joint-top of the table? If Arsenal can't win the title this season then they never will. On Saturday, our midfield was outplayed by Wigan for the entire first-half up until Evra's goal and was pretty poor up until Wigan imploded. That's outplayed by Wigan. At home.

The difference Scholes made after his introduction to the centre of the park was enormous, his control and ability to play the inch-perfect diagonal ball made United into a completely different team. I have read arguments in the mailbox from people vehemently defend Carrick but come on now, he has been dire in all but a couple of matches in which he has hit the dizzy heights of being sort-of noticeable; he offers no control or presence in the middle. I realise that replacing Scholes is a tall order and may ultimately prove impossible but there are plenty of midfielders who are better than Michael Carrick. He either needs to turn into a different player in the next few months or be replaced (if indeed that is possible with our rather incomprehensible transfer budget).

The creative play from our centre this season has been bloody woeful, nearly all our goals are coming from crosses and set-pieces. Whilst we are still getting goals from these methods then that's fine but what about when our wingers and full backs are effectively shut down, i.e. against Sunderland? People will point to our unbeaten record and state that our team is fine as it is but I can't go along with that, we need to start attacking more effectively down the middle.

Strangely enough we have actually played better against more difficult opposition, with our best performances coming against Valencia, Liverpool and Spurs, plus a pretty solid outing against the parked bus down the road. However, it is the matches against, and subsequent points gained from, the mid and lower-table opposition upon which a title-challenge is founded and we should be getting more of these points.

Our position in the table is indicative not of the strength of our team but the inconsistency of our fellow challengers, if any of Arse, Chelsea or United had not faltered they could've be miles away from their closest rival by now.
Smyth, MUFC


Hoping Blackburn Splash The Cash Because...
Now, I don't know much about how much money Blackburn's new owners will have to splash on a new squad and chasing the Premiership title but a thought occured to me this morning...i really really hope that they are given hundreds of millions to spend....just think, we could really see if Fat Sam would be able to "win the double every year" if he was at a club like Manchester United or Chelsea, and we might just see if he is really better suited to a club like Real Madrid or Barcelona....

If he did manage it then fair play to him but I would love to see him fail and find out what excuses he rolled out after that....so please, please let Blackburn start making City look poor....
Tom, Switzerland





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